Mitchell Hauser

"This place makes sandwiches. The sandwiches are much better if you've been drinking though. Eat sandwiches."

"Don't ever question the lifeguards. They're all so smart and handsome and wise and they're judgement is pure and righteous."

"Telling your waiter what you want to order through charades is a fun and interesting way to turn a boring and tedious restaurant experience into a slightly more bearable hellscape."

"This place is the worst place to live parts of your life. I'd rather be a hemiplegic than ever come to this "residency" again."

"If you like supporting a monolithic money grubbing corporate entity that sucks the lifeblood out of small town America, then shop at Walmart!"

"If you like waiting in a line on Saturday night then you should come here. I love lines :)"