Mark Boyd

"Fancy a cocktail? Go for the Flaming Zombie...it's got 5 different rums in it, a flaming shot of tequila on the top and its only £7.50!"

"Pot of mussels go down a wee treat!"

"This hotel is nowhere near heathrow. Staff are terribly incompetent. BUT the rooms are ace and the showers are ridiculously ace!"

"If you're looking for a taxi you can general flag one on the street pretty easily"

"Tweak both nurps simultaneously for an awkward surprise"

"The pineapple ice lollies are only 60 calories and one of your five a day"