Tim Rodie

"The hot chocolate is basically ten bars of molten chocolate delivered to your arteries through the medium of cup. Probably took ten years off my life, but it was worth it."

"Eat some meat."

"The deluxe room I have is amazingly funky - corner jacuzzi bath is a lovely treat. Great place - definitely an über 3*! Free wifi too."

"Some form of skiing or snowboarding is highly recommended."

"The 0809 to London from platform 2 starts here, so you're guaranteed a seat. Next to someone having a deafening phone conversation."

"Stansted Wetherspoon's (The Windmill - charming) sausage sandwiches are actually made of rare pork found only on Jupiter. Rare, hideously expensive and taste a little like asteroid."